Monday, October 12, 2009

The Long Journey

My blogging has been at a stand still for quite a while, but I do think that the reason makes it quite alright.

I have really struggled about when I was ready to share our journey with everyone, but I guess that now is just as great as any. In the real world, we have been quite open about the past 10 months, but for some reason, I just needed more time to be ready to bring this to the blogging world.

So, if any of you know me, I have wanted to be a mom, since, well, before I can even remember. When I finally got the go head from Scott that we could start the trying process last January, let's just say I was ecstatic!! We began the process and since I was so ready for this and I had other friends who had started earlier than us, I had already started taking my temperature to make sure that we did not miss a month of the possibility of having our own precious baby! As the months continued on, and my body started doing some crazy things, I knew that it was time to go see my doctor. She put me on clomid for three months, it worked great the first month and I thought we were in the clear, and the next two months were unsuccessful. Now, I have always has the mindset, that if there was a problem, instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself, (which I have done a few times in this process, don't you worry) I wanted to move forward to find the solution to our problem. So after three months of intense hot flashes and no baby, we moved on to the ART fertility program at Brookwood hospital. Most people would be crushed that they had to take this step, and before going for our first visit, I was quite nervous, the idea of being called a fertility patient really freaked me out and still does to a degree. But when Scott and I walked into that office and saw that the entire waiting room was filled with people that were going through the exact same thing as us, it truly put my mind at ease.

After some painful tests, we learned that I have an anovulation problem, endometriosis and my cervix is basically shut. Now, all of those things really don't encourage a baby, now do they??! After talking with our wonderful doctor, he told us that our best choice to have a child would be to do invitro. Now, before Scott and I walked into ART we had agreed that we would take a step back from this process when we got to the invitro stage, and low in behold it was the first step that we needed to take. After many long conversations between the two of us, soul searching on if this was the right direction for us and seeking the Lord first and foremost. We both came to the decision together that we were ready to move forward with invitro.

The month before the actual procedure is like a well oiled machine at ART. We received a calender of what to do each day, I had shots to take and pills to pop. I have to say a HUGE thank you to all my amazing friends that have had to give me shots during this process. From in a movie theatre bathroom (Katherine), to many night at your apartment while I moved in for week (Hewitt), or at bible study (Jordan). We would not be where we are today without all of you!!!

So we kept going in for check ups day after day, until they told us that we were ready for the main event. The egg retrieval turned out to be very successful. Those little babies grew and grew during the next five days until they put the blast cysts back in. We received daily updates about our little babies during those crucial days and we ended up putting two babies back in my "feather bed" of a uterus as the sweet nurse had put it. We have four other blast cysts that we have frozen to use for our next babies. Do we sound like the Jetson's or what??!!

The hardest part of the whole process was waiting the nine days from when they implant those two babies to going to take the pregnancy test. We did pretty well until the day of the test. I was a complete basket case. I had done everything the doctor has told me to do, I stayed home from work for four days laid around and relaxed, it was pretty nice, I might add. But knowing that besides relaxing nothing I did would help those little babies to make a home in my "feather bed" of a uterus, unless it was what the Lord willed, helped me deal with my control issues pretty quickly. The day of the test, I had had some pregnancy symptoms, and our doctor had also told us that he would be very surprised if I was not pregnant. These were both very good signs but in my heart of hearts, I just could not believe anything until we heard a yes from the nurse.

Scott and I had decided that we wanted our nurse to leave the results on our patient message system. Since the office would usually just call me in the middle of the day with results and this result was a little to important to listen to by myself. We wanted to listen to it when we were at home together so that we could hear either great news or the opposite with just the two of us. So the wait until four o'clock began. Since they would have given us the results in the middle of the day, this was quite a long wait, knowing that the answer was on the voicemail the whole time.

Well, 2:30 hit and I started to feel sick from nerves, how was I going to make it to four, I really wasn't sure. But we made it and called the number together on speaker phone, it was just crazy, that this message was going to either tell us yes, we are having a baby, or no not this time. So definite, so concrete. So much time and effort and prayer had been put into this entire process, and this woman on the other end of the message was going to give us some of the most important news we had ever received.

The speaker phone was on, and I had dialed the number, completely scared out of my mind, as was Scott, and the only thing we both heard was congratulations!!!! I just burst into tears, tears that had been waiting to escape for sometime. The emotion that we both had been caring around, trying to be strong for each other, trying to be prepared for a no, was all out on the table. Scott, finally had to look at me and say, "Kate, this is a good thing." And it was, it was the best news that we had gotten all year. After hearing so many nos, I just couldn't believe that it was a yes!!!

So as of last Thursday I am six weeks along, we are due June 3rd. Quite early, yes I know, but if you are reading this please lift up a prayer for us as we continue down this amazing road. We got to see that incredible little heart beat last Thursday, and we will continue to go to ART every week as they monitor our progress until they release me to go back to my regular ob. It is still very surreal to me that we are in this place, that it is not the sweet girl next to me having a baby, but after all this time, that it is me. All you girls who are where I was, just wait for the feeling when it is actually you, it is more than you could imagine, I promise.

I think that as we have moved from one stage of this process to another, I just don't want to ever forget the path that the Lord has taken us through. Scott and I have grown so much in our relationships with the Lord, waiting for His time and His answers. We have grown in our relationship with each other, learning how to hold each other up, how to support each other and how to love each other well. I would not have asked for this journey at all, but the blessings that continue to spill out from it have been more than I could have imagined.

If you are going through this hardship, I would love to talk to you. I just don't think that the Lord would put me through this long process without opening a path to help others who are in this place right now.

Updates to come on our new baby Howell!!!